Dude wanted a family picture. I wanted one, too, only one taken in the backyard with the kids dressed in whatever they happened to be wearing, their hair messy and their shoes untied. You know, like how we really are, not as the magazines say we should be. It reminded me of the time someone came over right after I had cleaned the house and I told them, “This is what our house would look like if we didn’t live here.”
Likewise, Paul told his father after being ordered to comb his hair and put on some nice jeans--which would require a change from the shorts he had worn to school that day-- “Why take a picture looking like you don’t really look?” he asked. Why indeed?
So it went something like this: Dude got home from work expecting to find three boys perfectly coiffed and dressed, lined up at the door giddy to take a picture. Instead, he found three zombies glued to the Playstation, still wearing their school clothes. The sun was slipping down the sky, threatening to extinguish all hopes of the fall-colors-in-the-canyon picture that we had planned on. There were some caustic words exchanged between Dude and children, a few hostile glances toward me, which I interpreted as, “Why didn’t you get the kids ready before I got home?” There were a few doors slammed as hairbrushes were retrieved and hair combed to perfection, the sound of a few quick spirts of hairspray. I recall some mopey slogging back to the bedroom when dirty shorts and a t-shirt didn’t pass the Dude Review. There was some yelling, that much I remember. And a few mutterings of “What’s his problem?” and “[Insert any one of five family member’s name here] is acting like a jerk.”
By the time we arrived at the picture location, we did not find the sun peeking through yellow-leafed aspen trees as it had when we had scouted the place the day before, providing a touch of warm light around the head. The sun hung precariously close to the mountains like a yo-yo dangling from a string. "We're losing light!"Dude yelled. But, light or no light, I was not about to try again another day, and neither was anyone else, especially our oldest, who madly texted “This is soooooo stupid” to all of his friends. So we muddled through the best we knew how. Dude set up the camera, our offspring assembled themselves by a fence, and I pushed the self-timer button and ran to the family. This is what we got:
Shortly after, the sun fell behind the mountain and the moment was over. As we hiked back to the car, the stench of fresh horse manure hung like a storm cloud over the minivan. "Well, this has been a crappy evening," I said. And I meant it literally.
The moral of the story is, if you want a family picture, have the youngest color one for you. Nine times out of ten everyone will be smiling, no one’s eyes will be closed, and the sun will always be shining.
Oh, Susan! How I've missed your blogging! You know, I think you are one of the few lucky ones who can get away with still being 'cute' from the rear side. I'd still hang it on your wall at home!
Posted by: Shelby | November 11, 2011 at 03:20 PM
Oh dear - I feel guilty. Was this because I leaned on Rick when he asked what I wanted for my birthday? Yep, I am sure it is. Because my reply was, "Maybe an updated family picture for me to take on my mission, since the only one I have is a snapshot taken at Paul's baptism." Oops! Sorry!! Hope the boys still like me!!!
Posted by: Dana Openshaw | November 10, 2011 at 07:26 AM
Loved your post. This is why we don't get a family picture taken every year too. Too much grumbling. We are trying to get something together before Christmas, but it isn't working out so far. Maybe I can borrow your family picture for my Christmas cards!
Posted by: L. Black | November 09, 2011 at 12:20 PM
can't stop giggling about this one, maybe because we too have had similar experiences:) I love the picture!
Posted by: Lisa | November 09, 2011 at 11:21 AM
You have a cute butt Susan! We call our mummer Lamanetta! These are the moments when you look back at life, bring a smile.
Posted by: Rubydel1830 | November 09, 2011 at 10:25 AM
I'm so glad we're not the only family with this kind of family picture story!
Posted by: EmilyCC | November 09, 2011 at 09:14 AM
Isn't this how all family pictures go? I'm sure you've noticed we don't get a family pic every year...that would be just too painful for some people! I think your Christmas cards should include this picture as well as a picture done drawn by J. That would be great!
Posted by: MaryB | November 09, 2011 at 08:25 AM
YES! Love this post. :) And your family picture. haha
Posted by: ivy | November 09, 2011 at 07:47 AM