Wonder Cat

I am a cat person.  Always have been.  Sure, I've had dogs before.  Two yappy, jumpy critters that ate my laundry hanging on the line and tried to mate with my leg.  Recently I tried to have a dog again.  Things seemed to be going well until the dog bit me.  And then she ate her poop.  "Ewww," I said, drawing back from her.  "That's just unnatural."  No way did I want a doggy kiss from this dog.  

But I've had many good cats.  And I think it's an excellent idea to always have a cat in your life to remind you how satisfying it can be to stay in bed all day.  

I tried to convince my grandmother of this.  She is, sadly, a dog person.  Recently I tried to convert her, but she won't budge. Listen to this letter:

 

Dear Grandma,

 

I’m writing to convince you to get a cat for a pet.  Here’s why:

 

1. Cats are usually smaller than dogs, save your garden variety of Chihuahua or toy poodle or what have you.  This makes it convenient to carry them in your purse or back pack, or a laundry basket.

 

2. Their poop is smaller.  Sorry, there was no way to put that nicely.  While I must admit I’m not the best at emptying the cat box every day, it’s not that big of a deal.  Sometimes my cat will go outside—I’m not sure where.  I’m taking the same stance I took when I lived in the Ukraine with former Soviet Cockroaches:  as long as I don’t see it, it doesn’t exist.

 

 

3. They have attitude.  Cats will walk around like they own the place, sauntering through the halls like a princess on parade.  My cat Sadie will run when you call her home for the evening—up until the last few steps when she slows to a stroll with a swing to her hips that says, “Hey, I don’t have to come if I don’t want to.”  And she actually gets mad at us sometimes, unlike dogs who seem to have no self-confidence or self-respect.  Dogs will be your friend forever, even if your name is Wild Billy and your favorite game is Kick the Canine.  But not cats.  Cross a cat and you’re liable to get the cold shoulder until hell freezes over—or until you produce some fancy squishy cat food from a can.  A cat will love you when they feel like it.  Hum…maybe I like cats so much because they share many personality traits with me.    

 

4. If you want to go somewhere for the weekend, you just leave extra food.  I really like this one.  My sister-in-law has to take her dog to someone’s house for dog sitting whenever they leave town.  If they left him home inside, he would chew through all of their furniture and leave messes all over the place.  If they left him outside, he would probably chew through the fence or bark all night and day, or most likely both.  But with cats, all you do is load up a big bowl with kitty kibble, fill another bowl with water (or just leave the toilet seat up, which I think is yucky, but as I live will all boys, others think is quite handy), make sure the cat box is clean and accessible, and off you go.  When you come home, there might be a few hours of kitty cold shoulder treatment.  However, I’ve found that Sadie is actually glad to see us, so the cold shoulder is just a quick formality lest we forget that she is in charge.   

 

5. Cats are a lot of company.  Admittedly, some cats aren’t much company, always skittering off if you so much as hold your hand out to pet them.  But there are some (like mine)  who will follow you around the house like a toddler.  Granted, that includes following you to the bathroom, but sometimes the bathroom is tedious and boring, so the company isn’t always a bad thing.  Another good thing about this argument, which admittedly applies to dogs as well, is that cats don’t talk back.  You can talk to a cat about anything and not worry that she’s going to tell the whole family.  And, if you complain to a cat too long, she’ll let you know when you’ve crossed the line from pity to pathetic with a big long yawn. 

 

6. Cat tongues don’t hang out and drip on you.  My other sister-in-law has a dog with a tongue so long and floppy and soaking wet that we all draw ourselves in when he walks by.  Otherwise, we might end up with a big drop of dog drool on a favorite shoe, or worse, a naked foot.  While Sadie did drool a tiny bit on me once, it was only a drop and I think she had the sniffles at the time.   

 

7. If they jump on your lap, it’s not painful.  Cats just weigh less than dogs, especially if you get a petite girl like my kitty.  There’s nothing better than a rainy day, a good book, a cat curled up on your lap, and a cup of hot cocoa.  The rain allows you stay inside, the book transports you to another place, the cat makes you feel loved, and the hot cocoa bathes the scene in a bit of sweetness.  I’m hoping this is what heaven will be like.   

 

8. In a pinch, cats are good scarves and blankets in the winter.  My cat sleeps with me for part of the night.  She starts out with Paul, then moves to Calvin, and finally ends up with me for the last few hours before twilight.  For some reason, she likes to plant herself on my neck and cuddle there.  She warms me right up.  Rick thinks it’s ridiculous, but I’ve caught her on his side of the bed more than once and he didn’t seem to mind.  Sadie will also sometimes sit on my lap while I’m working on the computer, warming my legs. 

 

9. Cats don’t need to go on walks.  Cats are so low-maintenance, they don’t even require a human to exercise them.  Isn’t that great?  Of course, if you like walking your pet, some cats will walk with you.  Sadie is known in our neighborhood for her habit of trailing behind when we go on family walks.  Just take it from me, don’t ever try to put a leash on a cat.   

 

10. Cats bathe themselves.  I wish my Jake would do that!  Maybe I should train Sadie to lick those in my household who refuse to take baths. 

 

11. Cats are relaxing.  If you like peace and quiet, a cat’s your kind of pet.  They don’t yap like tiny dogs tend to.  A meow--even a loud one--is in no way as annoying as a yappy dog.  Calvin has been begging for a dog for over a year, but let’s be honest, I’m just not up to the task.  The barking, the dirty paws, the chewing on furniture, not to mention the poop issue.  Plus, the kids tear through the house so much that adding a dog to the mix would just make our place more chaotic, which is the last thing I need.

 

12. Cats make a house a home.  I just had to add this because I was thinking about the other day when I came home from picking up the boys from school.  Sadie had been sitting on the front porch all folded up like a suitcase, her paws tucked neatly under herself, when she perked up and ran down the steps to greet us.  No matter where we go, we know that someone is waiting for us to come home.  She meows hello as we get out of the car and weaves through our legs as she purrs her love.  It’s magical.    

 

Comments

[Dana]

Susan - I loved this writing about cats. You are talented beyond belief. I am racking my brain trying to think about how I can get you published. Not just about the cat, but all you musings. You need to be shared. I love you! Dana